Mémoires I: Remorse and Pain

a betrayal_





She turned around from looking at her dresser’s mirror.  The surprise in her eyes mirrored my own, and her sexy parted lips broke into her sweetest smile.




I swallowed, trying to hold myself up for a while.  When did she become this beautiful?  I mean I always knew she’s beautiful but looking at her now…

I couldn’t help myself gazing at her from head to toe. Her hair’s cut short and she rocks it, she looked younger but sexier and it fits her perfectly it accentuated her doll-like face and innocent eyes.


How long has it been?  It feels like eons since I saw her like this.  True, we still meet at every turn and we’re still at the same Sunday show but it felt like a millennium since… well, since I talked to her that day I left her…


“Are you looking for Ate?  Nasa kabilang dressing room siya,” she asked, interrupting my thoughts.  She looked around before giving me an apologetic smile.  “Nandito kami lahat kanina but we were asked to transfer.  May aayusin yata.  Nagkataon naman na paalis na ako…”


“Ah,” why am I disappointed that she’s leaving? And I wasn’t really looking for her ‘Ate’.  “Ganoon ba?”


She grabbed her bag and phone on the dresser.  “Mauna na ako.  See you,” she said gently, ending the longest conversation we had ever since.  She walked past me and I had a whiff of her sweet perfume; different from the one she had on when we were together, but it suited her and still left the same an enchanting effect on me.


I followed her and closed the door behind me.  I was about to call her; offer her that I’d walk her outside when someone grabbed my arm and hooked it with hers.


“There you are,” Little Miss Pudding looked up and smiled sweetly at me like she always does.  Then she turned to her, still wearing her smile. “Alis ka na, Sis?”


She nodded.  “Practice pa for my album tour…”


“Talaga lang?  Kailangan mo pa ba ng practice?” her ‘Ate’ laughed teasing, with a medyo-fangirl, medyo-inggit tone in her voice.  She partly released me to give her cheek an air-kiss.  “Well, ingat ka…”


“Kayo rin,” she looked at me for a while before turning her back on us.


I watched her silently as she walked away.  Did I just saw a flicker of pain in her eyes when she looked at me?


Impossible, I shook my head inwardly.  I must be imagining things.


“Let’s go,” Little Miss Pudding tugged at my sleeve.  “I’m hungry,”


I grinned.  “Late lunch?  Saan mo gustong kumain?”


She looked at her wristwatch.  “More like early dinner.  There’s a new place near our house!  Try natin,” she said enthusiastically, and I know what she’s trying to imply with the ‘near our house’ part.


My head shook as I laughed, my hand slipping at the small of her back.  “Your call, princess…”




“Hey… okay ka lang ba?  Kanina ka pa tahimik,”


“Hm?” I barely heard her.  “Yeah.  Masarap ‘to, ah,”


She snorted.  “I’m asking you kung okay ka lang.  Parang ang lalim ng iniisip mo kanina pa habang nagda-drive ka…”


I leaned back on my seat, putting down my spoon and fork on my almost empty plate.  “I’m just feeling really tired.  Kakagaling ko from shooting kaninang madaling araw and I have to be at the studio for the dance practice…”


“Oh,” she stood up and moved to the seat right next to me.  She embraced me, resting her face on my chest.  “I’m sorry… nagpahatid na dapat ako sa ‘yo sa bahay para nakauwi ka na agad at nakapagpahinga…”


“Okay lang.  Sabi mo nga, malapit na ito sa inyo.  I’ll drop you off when we’re done.  Uuwi na lang ako agad…”


Her face moved from my chest to my neck.  “You’re really that tired?  Pwede namang sa bahay ka magpahinga…”


But I didn’t hear her.  From the entrance and to the reserved table near it, I saw HER coming.  With her parents.  With ‘The Tax Collector’.  With HIS parents.  My throat tightened.


They were on their backs as they took a seat each.  He sat beside her; putting his arm at the backrest of her chair, uncaring of her parents’ watchful eyes.  He whispered something to her, kissing her hair a little and she laughed, patting his shoulder.


My whole body tensed.  She did that a lot to me, the face and shoulder pat thing when she’s being giddy.  It felt like heaven whenever I made her laugh.  I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this, but seeing her now with him… it’s killing me that I’m not the reason for her laughter anymore…


Looking at the direction where my eyes went, Little Miss Pudding pulled away from me, her whole body stiffening the instant she saw them.  She grabbed her drink almost frantically and emptied it in one go.  The waiter who served us attended our table and she asked for our bill, her foot tapping impatiently under our table until he came back.


“Tara na,” she took her purse and went ahead towards the door.  I stood up, plucking a few bills from my wallet and quickly followed her.


“Ate!  Andito rin pala kayo,” I didn’t expect Baby Girl will be the first to greet us.


Little Miss Pudding forced a smile, keeping her distance from the table, from everyone.  “Paalis na rin kami,”


“Tito, Tita…” I greeted her parents who both gave me a slight nod, then him.  “Bro,”


‘Musta, bro?” ‘The Tax Collector’ smiled at me, his arm sliding down possessively on Baby’s Girl’s waist that got me lifting an eyebrow.  Deliberate or not, I want to kick his Italian a** for once and tell him to stay away from her.


As if I have every right to…


“Nice to see you again, Tito, Tita…” mimicking me, Little Miss Pudding paid respects to her ex’s parents before pulling my arm and almost shoved me to the door.  “We’ll go ahead po…”




“I didn’t know he’d actually go for it… nililigawan niya na nga talaga siya,”


Just when I thought I’d enjoy the quiet while driving her home, Little Miss Pudding broke the silence between us.


“Sabagay… ganoon talaga ‘yon, eh.  Kapag nai-set ang isip sa isang bagay, hindi titigil ‘yon hanggat ‘di niya ‘yon naa-achieve.  Isa pa, he’s always been fond of her, kahit noong time na kami pa,”


My jaw clenched as I grasped the steering wheel tighter.  What suddenly ticked me off wasn’t her blabbing about her ex but the ‘he’s always been fond of her’ part, specifically.  I knew from the start the guy’s got a thing for Baby Girl, even before our first movie.


She shifted from her seatbelt and put her head on my shoulder.  “Hmm… baka nga sila na.  Kung ganyang kasama na nilang lumabas ang mga parents nila.  Okay lang naman sa ‘kin.  Kapag nakikita ko nga sila, kahit papaano nawawala ang guilt ko na pinili mo ako… they look happy.  Tulad natin.  Masaya rin tayo, ‘di ba?”


I sighed and smiled but kept my eyes on the road.  “Oo naman,”


Masaya ba ako?  I suddenly found asking myself.  She was right— I chose her.  I chose her over her friend who’s close to her as a sister.  I chose to spend time with her instead, be with her and love and take care of her.


All this time, this is what I made myself believe— that Little Miss Pudding and I are happy.  For a gazillion and a hundredth time I tried to convince myself I made the right choice, but deep down, I’ve been lying to myself.


I regret leaving and hurting her…


My Queen…


Seeing her now, with just that one moment our eyes met again, I realized it.  Time has passed— days, weeks, month, years… but her face, her smile; everything about her, have always been etched in my mind.  There she stays.  In my heart she’ll stay.  She will always be My Queen…


I straightened my back, steering my thoughts off of her at the same time.  I’m being such an a**.  Here I am with my new girl while I’m thinking of someone else who the whole world believed I’ve fallen out of love with.


“Hindi na ako bababa.  Send my regards to Tita,” I told her when we finally reached their house.


She pouted.  “Bakit hindi ikaw mismo ang bumati?  Sige na, and at least walk me to my room.  Please?”


I just shook my head and sighed.  Not when she begged like this.  Not with that seductive sweet voice.


It turned out her mother wasn’t home and went out shopping.  I walked her to her room like she wanted.


“Did you enjoy today?”


“Like always,” I smiled and gave her lips a quick peck.  “Gotta go, I—,”


I turned around but she grabbed the lapel of my shirt and pulled me, prolonging our kiss.  She giggled and pulled me in to her room, closing the door behind me.


“Stay the night… please?” she begged again in an above whisper and that’s all it took.


Every time seems like the first time we did it.  She made me feel I needed it; that I needed her.  And right at this moment, tulad din noong unang pagkakataon, I needed to forget…




The moon rose above us, shining through the glass wall over her small, soft body covered with nothing but her sheets.  Once again, she had me losing myself and had me spending the night with her when I tried and insisted to leave.


I sighed, removing the strands of hair that fell on her face as she sleeps.  In the beginning we both know what happened between us after that one night was a mistake.  We were together in an out of town tour and had one too many few drinks.  It’s the same ol’ ‘one thing led to another’ cliché.  She wanted us to forget what happened and she tried to avoid me.


But I was drawn to her.  I couldn’t stay away and so did she.  Kaya nasundan pa ng nasundan ang isang gabi na ‘yon…


Why did I choose her?  Why did I think I needed her more than I needed my Baby Girl?


“Bakit siya?” some reporter’s voice suddenly took over my memory while I stared at her.  I overheard them talking after my interview, when I made it known to the whole world that I want to court her.


“Ewan ko nga ba,” the other one answered.  “Ang akala ko okay na okay pa rin sila ni Popstariray… tapos biglang may kasamang iba sa bakasyon…”


The older reporter sighed.  “Well, we’re in showbiz, darling.  Alam mo ang kalakaran dito— palipat-lipat, papalit-palit lalo na ang mga bagets na in demand at promising.  Sana lang, in love nga siya talaga dito sa isa.  Hindi ‘yung pinili niya lang for instant gratification— if you know what I mean, at dahil magiging less complicated ang mga bagay para sa kanya…”


I held my head and combed my hair with my fingers. Those reporters were right…


We’ve been together for months now and it’s all thanks to her.  She loved me the best way she can.  Pero ako…


I know I cared for her, I chose to be with her— but have I ever loved her back the way I should?


Treading mindlessly into her bathroom, I grabbed a towel before switching her showers from warm to cold.  I have to hurry and leave before she wakes up.  It’s difficult for me to sort this out by myself right now; this agitating, confusing feeling I had ever since I saw Baby Girl at the dressing room.


“Mahal kita.  I love you…”


I want nothing and no one else in my life but you.  Only you.  Always…”


“At least you’ve been honest with me.  Goodbye, Angel…”


I let the water furiously hit my face as I tried to drown the thoughts.  Why now?  Why are these memories haunting me, making me feel that everything happened just yesterday?


“You’re nothing but a fool!  A big fool!”


Suddenly, there was my best friend’s voice ringing in my ears, the last thing I want to remember.


“You let go of a good woman— a very good woman for a… for a—!”


I could’ve punched him if he ever said the word but he didn’t.  He obviously held his temper well.


“Hindi ka talaga nag-iisip.  Your ex’s best friend?”


I sneered.  “We’re history!  Umiikot lang ang buhay.  Hindi na kami mga bata para ma-stuck sa nakaraan!”


We were all expecting that.  My involvement with Little Miss Pudding would create a rift between her and the best friend, my ex-flame.  In return their show’s ratings unimaginably skyrocketed.  People had the impression that their exchange of bi*ch-slapping scenes were so real and I wanted to believe I did them a favor.  I’m f—king flattered.


“Not only that,” he continued as if he didn’t hear me.  “They ARE friends.  Her so-called sister was your fiancée, for christssake!”  He shook his head.  “You used to think things through pero sa ginawa mong ito… I don’t know, bro.  Hindi na kita kilala…”


I couldn’t say anymore to that.  Up until now it isn’t the same between us.  He still is with me, protecting and supporting me but that’s just for our friendship, not for me personally…


He knew everything.  He knew what I’ve been through to win My Queen’s heart.  He vouched for her.  He carried her torch.  He was one of the very few people who knew we got engaged.  And he knew when things got heated up between me and Little Miss Pudding.  He was my voice of reason, saying I should cut it off with her and the sooner, the better.  But he didn’t see my decision coming…


I swallowed an imaginary lump in my throat.  Their voices were stuck in my head, haunting me.  They’re all right— I took the easier way out.  I gave up what I want most for what I think I needed now…


I went out of the bathroom, my thoughts messed up some more than they already had.  I picked my clothes on the floor and put them on before leaving her room quietly.


The drive home seemed longer than it was before.  I turned the radio on but turned it off as quickly when I heard one of her songs playing.


The ache in my head would pale in comparison with the throbbing pain in my heart. All it took was for us to see each other again, for me to look into those beautiful bright eyes again and it all came back.  Those eyes revealed me my soul.  It took me a while to face the truth but I admit it now.  I’m an idiot, I’m a coward. 


My Queen… she was my answered prayer.  No, she was more than I wished for, much more than I prayed for.  She’s my lifelong dream.  The night I proposed to her was the moment that dream became a reality.  It was the start of a new phase in my life, our lives.  Knowing she’s by my side, I could take on anything.  With her beside me, I am king.  I promised her I will always be with her, be there for her; spend every waking moment with her.  I wanted to be by her side to watch over her as she grows more and more beautiful before my eyes.


She was mine.  I wanted to dedicate my whole life loving her, protecting her; making her happy… together we will make our dreams come true…


But I ruined it.  The king that I was in our fairy tale turned up to be a villain destroying everything…


I blew my horn furiously when someone tried to overtake me on the road.  Seriously, if someone wants to mess up with me right now that I’m all f—ked up, it wouldn’t be pretty.


“Kuya!  You’re… late,” I ignored Baby Brother when I arrived home and went straight to my bedroom.  He sure got the picture; I want to be left alone.


I fell on my bed face down.  When I closed my eyes, it’s My Queen’s smiling face earlier that I see.


“Damn it,” I lied down on my back and pressed my forehead.  Thoughts of her will keep me all night again, taking me back to those wonderful but bittersweet memories I shared with her.


Those moments when all I could do was to steal glances from afar while on shoot.


Our moments of laughter and banter behind the scenes…


The songs, shows and performances we shared where we had a lot of fun together.


Lunch outs, dinners… exchanges of messages; and the day I felt I want to be more than just her friend.


The day when I told her I like her and I like to court her,


The day I started we were both nervous I could cry.


The moment when she sang to me on her birthday concert…


The day I first say goodbye to her…


That stormy night she became mine.


Those times she sang to me over the phone whenever we’re not together,


Her smile, her voice, her scent; her touch, her kiss… everything about her.


The night I proposed to her and she said yes I felt like king of the world;


And the day I became I total suck up when I left her…


I covered my face with my arm, as if it could stop my tears from flowing.  No matter how I tried to justify my actions, hurting her will never be right.  Leaving her was never the right decision.


Now there’s someone new in her life as well; someone who makes her happy.  And people see me as a guy so in love I’m not sure how long I could keep them believing that.


“My Queen…” I murmured under my breath.  If I could, I would make things right; if I could, I’ll trade everything I have to turn back time; to get us back where we’re meant to be; to our rightful place— in each other’s arms…


But I know it’s too late.  Now it’s just too late…



Disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.


Was it all just a bad dream?


I breathed as if it was my first.  In a slow, painstaking move, I raised my head and opened my eyes.  They hurt.  I might have been crying in my sleep but finally, I woke up from what seemed a very long slumber.


Was it all just a bad dream?


It wasn’t.  It wasn’t a dream at all.  My Angel… he left me.  He flew away from me and he’s never coming back…


I got up, blinking a few times.  I can’t see anything.  Why am I still in this darkness?  I know I’ve been here before… or perhaps I’ve always been here and didn’t get out; couldn’t get out; or maybe I chose not to get out.


“I love you so much, My Queen. And I promise you I will love and cherish you forever…”


I held back my tears as memories flashed through my mind.  He left me alone in this darkness crying, lost, heartbroken…


“Goodbye, Baby Girl…”


I shook my head.  Why am I hearing his voice as if it was just yesterday?  I don’t want to dwell on that again.  Not again, ever.  Not anymore…


I looked around and all that has hovered around me is pitch black.  I got up and knelt down.  I closed my eyes again hoping that when I open them I’ll find a path to guide me away from this place.


“Please take me away from here.  I don’t want to cry anymore.  I don’t want to bear this kind of pain anymore…” I prayed, barely hearing my own voice.  I can’t hear anything; no sound at all; there’s just bleak and numbing nothingness.  I couldn’t help it; my tears began falling.  I really want to get out but… how?




I gasped.  Did someone call my name?




Slowly, I opened my eyes.  I saw a flickering light and it was drawing closer and closer to me.


I tried to stand up but I couldn’t.  I heard footstep heading towards me as the light approached me.  My Angel, is it him?  No.  It can’t be… I know he’s not coming back to me.




That gentle voice called my name again.  I lifted my head and there he was standing a few footsteps away from me.  He walked towards me and that flicker of light suddenly exploded, so bright that it’s almost blinding. I tried to cover my face but I want to see him.  I want to know who he is.


“Come,” he said as he offered his hand to me.  I just looked at it dumbfounded.  Who is he?


As if hearing my thoughts, he laughed— the kind of laugh that is almost musical, mild and pleasing to the ears.


He held my shoulders and helped me stand up.  Gently, he placed his hands on my face.  His fingers trailed on my cheeks, wiping away my tears.


“Stop crying, Asher.  I’m here now…”


I gasped.  What does he mean by that?


“Let’s go.  You’ve been here for far too long,”


“Who… who are you?”  I asked looking up at him.   As if in a slow motion, the bright clouds parted and his face became clearer and clearer to me.


I stared at him wide-eyed.  He was looking at me with fondness in his eyes and his hand was gentle and warm when he clasped mine.  He guided me as we tread away from that vast coldness.


“Where are we going?”  I asked again.


“You’ll see,” he answered, his eyes never leaving my face.  I should be worried but it’s strange that when he said that, I never felt a doubt in my chest.


He held my hand tighter and gave me a smile that reached his beautiful eyes.  I held my breath for a while. I realized it was him and his smile that changed this darkness into bright morning.


…will he be able to change the beat of my heart, too?



I’ve been thinking about you a lot

All this time I have kept you in my heart.

I try to ignore what I feel inside

Because you’re my friend and with that I can’t fight.


I tried to avoid you every time we get close,

Because I’m always hurting and that’s the only cause.

But I kept on loving you and wanting you instead

In spite that I can’t have you and my heart went dead.


You’ve been dear to me ever since you came

Yes, I’ve been fond of you the day I knew your name.

I knew you were someone I can get along with ease,

I thought you have the charm to make everybody pleased.


And now I love you but it’s just too late

I know you don’t want me and you’ve found your fate.

It’s wrong for me to think that one day I’ll hold your hand

Because I know you don’t love me and I know where I stand.


You always ask me favors for you to please your girl

And every time we speak we always talk about her.

I can’t say that I’m jealous but I’m always hurt

But as long as you’re happy, I can bear every ache.


Isn’t it funny that when true love hits you,

It hits you so bad and you’re left with no clue.

How come you have found it but can never have it?

And when you finally get serious you’re bound to lose your wit.


One thing’s clear though, and that’s what I believe

But I don’t know what it can make me, in pain or relieved?

Whatever happens, everything is well planned,

It is all written and in the Master’s hand.


So what I’m ought to do is leave it all behind

To God’s will and plan, my heart and my mind.

All the dreams and love that you finally made me see,

I’ll forget it and the hope that one day you will love me.


(to ‘the one that got away’, 2006)



IRIS — Chapter One


Chapter One:  The Stranger’s Touch


She slowly opened her eyes and for a moment wondered where she is as she stared blankly at the white ceiling.  She feels woozy and there’s piercing pain on her forehead and left hand.


Muli siyang pumikit at inalala ang mga nangyari.  Pinuntahan niya ang nobyo sa bahay ng mga magulang nito sa Tagaytay para sana sorpresahin ito.  Dalawang linggong mahigit na mula nang huli silang magkita ni Railey.  He was always with his teammates practicing and preparing for another basketball season while she was busy shooting for her new project, a TV series.  Ang alam ni Railey ay nasa location shoot siya.  He was indeed surprised but not as surprised as she was.  Ang totoo, surprise is an understatement.


Ano nga ba ang dapat niyang maramdaman gayong nakita niya ang boyfriend niya na may kasamang ibang babae sa kuwarto nito?  Worse, she caught them in the act.  Railey tried to go after her when she ran, guilt written all over his face.  Pero tuluy-tuloy siya sa kotse niya at mabilis na umalis sa lugar na iyon.


Nakagat niya ang labi sa pagpipigil na muling maiyak.  He’s not worth a single tear.  Her friends were right all along that Railey would just hurt her.  She knows about his reputation of being a playboy but she was blinded.  Pinaniwalaan niya ito na nagbago na ito.  Now after four months of being together, she had to find out for herself that the things he said were all lies— and she had to learn that truth the hard way.


Maingat siyang bumangon at naupo.  Naka-cast ang kaliwang binti niya hanggang tuhod.  Puro galos siya bukod pa sa sugat sa kamay at ulo.  Pero maliban sa mga iyon ay wala na siyang nararamdamang sakit sa iba pang bahagi ng katawan niya.


She thought she wouldn’t get to see the light of day again.  At kung mabuhay man siya ay tiyak na baldado siya kung hindi man malagay sa coma ng ilang buwan.


Sa pagmamadali niya para maiwasan si Railey ay hindi na niya nailagay ang seatbelt niya.  She was crying so hard that her tears clouded her vision.  Bigla na lang may sumulpot na truck sa harapan niya nang malapit na siya sa intersection at naiwasan niya ito, pero hindi niya alam na mas malala pa ang mangyayari sa kanya nang mawala siya sa kalsada at magtuluy-tuloy sa gilid, sa kasukalan.  She hit the brakes with all her strength but it was too late.


Closing her eyes tightly, she anticipated the inevitable.  But to her surprise, she was able to survive the impact.


May lalaking bigla na lang lumitaw mula sa kung saan at tumayo sa harapan ng kotse niya.


Ang lalaking iyon… ang lalaking iyon ang nagligtas sa kanya!


“Anak!” bulalas ni Sophia pagbukas nito ng pinto ng hospital room at niyakap siya.  “Thank God, you’re awake!  Halos himatayin ako nang may tumawag at sabihing naaksidente ka!”


Gumanti siya ng yakap sa ina.  “Sorry po, Mama.  Pinag-alala ko na naman kayo,”


Pinakawalan siya nito at hinaplos ang benda sa ulo niya.  “Ano’ng nararamdaman mo?  May sumasakit ba?  Nagugutom ka ba?  Ano’ng gusto mong kainin?”


Napangiti siya sa sunud-sunod na tanong nito.  “Nauuhaw lang po ako,” sagot niya at agad naman siya nitong binigyan ng bottled water.  She drank it up to the last drop.


“Mamaya lang ay narito na ang kuya mo,” her mother informed her, insinuating that she should come up with a good explanation why the accident happened.  Ang kuya Adrian niya ang  nagbigay ng nayuping BMW 528iniya  two months ago as an advance birthday gift for her.


“Tinawagan ko na nga rin pala ang manager mo.  She’s worried sick about you.  Sinabi kong okay ka na pero baka hindi ka makapag-taping ng ilang linggo,” Sophia combed her hair with her fingers.  “What happened, sweetie?  Nag-away ba kayo ni Railey?”


“Sasabihin ko sa inyo lahat pag-uwi natin,” she sighed and smiled at her mother.  “Nasaan ang lalaking nagligtas sa akin, Mama?  Gusto ko siyang makita,”


Sandaling  kumunot ang noo nito.  “Ah, ang lalaking kasama mo.  Sino nga pala siya?  Was he the one driving?  The police said they found you lying on top of him.  At nakayakap naman siya sa ‘yo,”


She felt her cheeks flushed.  Of course she wouldn’t know that.


“No, Ma.  I don’t even know him, at hindi kami magkasama.  He was the one who saved me.  Siya ang—,” pumigil sa kotse ko para hindi ako mahulog sa bangin, she could have said it but stopped on time, or else her mother would insist that she’d undergo a head scan.


She shook her head inwardly.  Siguro nga dahil muntik na siyang mamatay ay kung anu-ano na ang nakita niya.


“Ang sabi nga pala ni Doctor Arguelles ay nailipat na siya sa kabilang kuwarto mula sa OR.  Ligtas na siya kaya wala ka nang dapat ipag-alala,”


“I want to see him, Mom!” she exclaimed, forcing herself out of her bed.  Nakalimutan niya sandali na naka-cast ang isang binti niya.  Hindi naman na siya mapigilan ng ina kahit anong pilit nito na manatili siya sa kama niya.  Tinawag nito ang isang nurse at pinagdala ito ng wheelchair para magamit niya.


Paglabas nila ay nakita nila ang isang nurse at dalawang trainees sa tapat ng pinto ng katabing kuwarto na pilit hinihinaan ang boses habang nagkukwentuhan, pero rinig na rinig pa rin naman nila.


Oh, my God, totoo nga!” bulalas ng isa sa mga trainees.


“Sabi sa inyo, eh.  Sobrang guwapo niya, ‘di ba?” kinikilig namang sagot ng nurse.


“Sino kaya siya?  Kasama raw siya noong artista sa kabilang kuwarto…”


“Oo, ‘yung singer na bagong girlfriend ni Railey Oballe,” sabat naman ng isa.  Dahil nakatalikod ang mga ito sa kanila ay hindi pa rin sila napapansin ng mga ito.


She sighed.  It really is no surprise that her boyfriend— or ex-boyfriend’s pretty famous with the ladies dahil isa ito sa mga power player ng National Team. Still for her, it was a lot of getting used to.


“Hmm… iba ang kasama?  Baka break na sila,” patuloy ng nurse.  “Ang hot din ng kapalit, ha?  Pero ‘di-hamak na mas bet ko ang isang ‘to,”


“Nurse Victorino!”


Biglang sulpot ni Doctor Arguelles mula sa likuran nila.  Napaigtad sa gulat ang tatlo at lalong namula nang makita at makilala siya ng mga ito.


Pinamaywangan ng doktor ang tatlo at pinaglipat-lipat sa mga ito ang tingin.  “Hindi ba’t tapos na ang duty ninyo?  Ano pang ginagawa niyo rito, nagtu-tour?  Sa lahat naman ng lugar, dito niyo pa napiling magtsismisan!”


“Sorry po, Doctor Arguelles.  Sinilip lang po namin ang bagong pasyente,”


Tinaasan nito ng isang kilay ang mga nakababatang babae.  “Dahil nabalitaan niyong guwapo, ganoon ba?”


Nahihiyang napatungo na lang ang mga ito at umalis na doon.


“I’m sorry about that,” the doctor apologized sincerely.


“It’s okay, Doc.  Sanay na po ako.”


The doctor nodded and sighed.  Ito na mismo ang nagbukas para sa kanila ng pinto ng kuwarto.  Saglit nitong tiningnan ang lagay ng pasyente.


“Kumusta na po siya?”


“He’s out of danger, Miss Deogracias.  His body responded well to the operation.  Pero kailangan ko pa rin siyang obserbahan.  Kung magising siya ngayong gabi, I can assure you na magtutuluy-tuloy na ang recovery niya,” 


“Thank God,” she whispered, pushing the wheelchair closer to the hospital bed.


“Ang sabi niyo ay hindi niyo siya kakilala.  Unfortunately, wala rin kaming nakuhang anumang gamit niya na maaari naming mapagkakilanlan sa kanya…”


“Ako na po ang bahala sa hospital bills niya, Doktor,” sagot niya sa gustong ipahiwatig nito habang matamang nakatitig sa lalaki.


His upper body was covered with bandages, so is his right hand and head.  There were bruises on his arms and all over his face and she saw a few stitches on his knee when the doctor was checking him. Nevertheless, he’s outright beautiful that she couldn’t help but reach for him and touch his face.


His jaw and his nose were perfect as if a famous sculptor made them.  Thick eyebrows framed his deep-set eyes and she’s certain his eyelashes are longer than hers.  Day-old stubbles were starting to grow on his face but it surprisingly suits him.  Her eyes moved down to his well-built body.  He’s tall, maybe even taller than Railey who is 5’11.  But what makes him more handsome is his peaceful, innocent but mysterious aura.


She sighed as fondness started welling up inside her.  Hindi pa rin niya maisip kung paano, pero itinuturing niyang isang milagro ang pagkakaligtas ng estrangherong ito sa kanya.


She held his hand and clasped it firmly against her palms.  “Maraming salamat… utang ko sa ‘yo ang buhay ko…”


Naramdaman niya ang bahagyang paggalaw ng mga daliri nito.  At nang tingnan niya ito ay unti-unti nitong iminulat ang mga mata.


“Doktor, gising na po siya!” baling niya kay Doctor Arguelles na agad naman itong dinaluhan.




Pareho silang natigilan at napatingin dito.  It reached her ears though it was barely a whisper and despite the breathing apparatus covering half of his face.




He turned around and called her name for the second time.  Itinaas nito ang kamay at banayad na hinaplos ang pisngi niya.  “Salamat at… ligtas ka,”


Unconsciously, she held his hand on her face.  Ngumiti ito bago muling ipinikit ang mga mata.




“He’ll be alright.  Epekto lang ito ng mga gamot na ibinigay ko sa kanya,” she gave her a reassuring smile.  “Puwede niyo ulit siyang silipin mamaya.  For now, I suggest you get more rest as well, Miss Deogracias,”


She wanted to protest.  Gusto pa sana niyang bantayan ito kahit ilang minuto pa pero nagpilit na rin ang ina na ibalik siya sa kuwarto niya.


She tried to rest just as the doctor ordered.  Pero sa tuwing ipipikit niya ang mga mata ay ang mukha ng estranghero ang nakikita niya; ang maamo at nag-aalalang mukha nito bago siya mawalan ng malay… ang maganda nitong mga mata…


Tinakpan niya ng unan ang mukha.  Hindi niya alam kung matutuwa siya o maiinis sa sarili niya.  Other times she’d be crying her heart out because of Railey.  Pero heto siya at walang ibang umookupa sa isip niya kundi ang misteryosong lalaki sa kabilang kuwarto.  Ni hindi pa nga niya alam kung ano ang pangalan nito.


She got up and parted the curtain covering her window.  Her room’s on the top floor of the hospital building that it seems the moon was shining over her, and though it was cloudy there were a few stars.


Niyakap niya ang sarili at matagal na pinagmasdan ang kalangitan.  She couldn’t help but think that the stranger must have really come from there.

Really Iris, she shook her head and laughed at herself.  That’s just way too crazy.


Pero sino nga ba talaga ito?  He called her name as if he’d known her for a lifetime.  And when he touched her; just that one touch— she knows in her heart that her life is changed forever.


She breathed deeply and uttered a short prayer to put herself at ease.  Kailangan na niyang matulog at bukas na lang uli niya iisipin ang estranghero.  At hindi pwedeng hindi niya uli puntahan ito.

That’s right.  She’s looking forward to seeing the stranger again…


Disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.


IRIS — Prologue


Prologue:  Ang Pagtawid ni Gamaliel sa Lupa


Nahawi ang makapal at mala-abong ulap, at ang mga tala at buwan na tumatanglaw sa gabi ay muling pinalitan ni Bathala ng liwanag, ng araw na magpapalaganap ng init sa lahat ng may buhay— isang panibagong umaga para sa mga nasa Lupa.


Siya, bilang Punong Mang-aawit at tagalikha ng Musika, kasama ang iba pang pinuno ng mga Gabay, ng mga Sundo, ng mga Mandirigma at ng mga Tagapangalaga ay muling pinag-isa ang kanilang mga lipon para muling mag-alay ng pagsamba sa Lumikha sa harap ng Banal na Lungsod.


Napuno ng iba’t-ibang pangkat ng mga anghel ang gintong lansangan.  Doon, sa Kaitaasang Dako, magmumula ang panibagong pag-aatas ng gawain para sa bawat isa sa kanilang mga hinirang.  Habang ang iba ay may mga dapat isakatuparan sa Lupa tulad ng mga Sundo at Gabay, siya at ang kanyang mga kasamahan ay hindi pinahihintulutang ‘tumawid’ man lamang doon.  Sinumang sumuway ay iisa ang kahihinatnan— ang pagkatanikala at pagkatapon sa walang hanggang karimlan.


Pagkatapos ng Pagtitipon ay muling nagtungo ang mga Sundo at mga Tagapangalaga sa Bundok Haspe at Esmeralda upang doon magpulong. Ang mga Mandirigma naman ay sa Bundok Onise nag-eensayo.  Ang mga Manunugtog ay sa Bundok Amatista naglalagi, maliban sa kanya.  Lumipad siyang muli patungo sa pinakamataas at pinakamalayong bundok mula sa Lungsod, sa Bundok Sapiro kung saan siya madalas lumikha ng mga awitin.  Mula roon ay matatanaw ang gintong talon at ang ilog sa paanan niyon kung saan makikita ang mga kaganapan sa Lupa.  Naroon rin ang isa sa mga lagusan patungo roon.


Siya lang yata ang Manunugtog at nag-iisang pinuno na napapadpad sa bundok na iyon at ilan rin lamang ang Sundo o Gabay na dumadaan sa Lagusan.  At kahit lagi nang napupuna ng mga kasamahan niya ang kagustuhan niyang mapag-isa ay nananatili siya roon dahil sa isa pang kadahilanan.


“Pinagmamasdan mo na naman ba siya, Gamaliel?”


Lumingon siya at natagpuan si Aleph na nakatayo sa likuran niya, ang pumapangalawa sa kanya sa pagkapinuno.  Nakangiti ito ngunit sa mga mata ay naroon ang babala.


“Narito ka rin pala, Aleph…”


“Hinihintay ka na ng mga kasama natin.  Nalalaman na nila kung bakit ibig mong laging nasa lugar na ito,”


Hindi siya sumagot at muling tumunghay sa ilog.  Hindi naman na niya ipinagtataka iyon.  Wala namang nalilingid sa bawat isa sa kanila.


“Batid mo ang naganap sa pagitan ni Azrael at ng kaibigan mong Gabay,” pagtukoy nito sa pinuno ng mga Sundo at ang Gabay na naging daan ng pagkakilala niya sa isang Mortal.  “Wala siyang nilabag na patakaran dahil napahinuhod siya ni Azrael… ngunit dahil sa pagtingin niya sa Mortal ay muntik na siyang mapahamak.  Isang malaking kahangalan ang tangka niyang pananatili sa Lupa,”


“Wala kang dapat ikabahala.  Sapat na sa akin ang makita siya mula rito, Aleph,” mahinang sagot niya ngunit naroon ang pagtatanong sa sarili.  Sapat na nga ba sa kanya ang mapagmasdan lang ang Mortal? 


“Pagtitiwalaan ko ang sinabi mong iyan.  Tandaan mong bukod sa hindi pagkakasundo sa pagitan ng ating mga lipon ay ang ating pagsuway ang ayaw na ayaw ni Bathala.”


Napabuntung-hininga siya sa paalala nito.  Ibinaba niya ang harpang hawak at saka naupo.  Muli’y sumagi sa isip niya ang araw na nakasabay niya roon si Jahdai, ang Gabay ng ina ng dalagang itinatangi niya.


“Wala akong nagawa nang mismong si Azrael ang sumundo sa kabiyak ni Sophia,” natatandaan niyang sabi nito matapos ikuwento ang pakikipagtalo nito sa pinuno ng mga Sundo.  “Ngayon higit kailanman, kailangan ng aking ginagabayan ng katuwang dahil dalawa na ang anak nila…”


Hindi siya sumagot at pinagmasdan ang bunsong anak ng babaeng si Sophia na noo’y kapapanganak pa lamang.  Napakaganda ng bata.  Napakaamo ng mukha at maihahalintulad niya ito sa kasama nilang mga kerubin.  Sa kung anumang kadahilanan mula noon, tuwing pupunta siya sa bundok; sa loob ng halos dalawampu’t limang taon sa Lupa ay walang sumasapit na liwanag na hindi niya ito pinagmamasdan, at tuwing may pagkakataon siya’y lagi niya itong sinusubaybayan.


Napangiti siya sa alaala at nagpatuloy sa tahimik na panonood sa bawat kilos ng dalaga na noo’y papunta sa tahanan ng lalaking iniibig nito.


“Kung ako sa iyo’y titigilan ko na ito, Gamaliel.  O tulad din ba ng Gabay ay patuloy mo pa ring iibigin ang Mortal, kahit batid mong walang patutunguhan ito?”  


Ngunit hindi na niya nasagot ang tanong nito.  Nakita niyang kung gaano ito kabilis pumasok ay ganoon din kabilis lumabas ang dalaga mula sa bahay ng kasintahan nito.


“Umiiyak siya,” bulalas niya sabay tayo.  “Nasaktan siya ng labis sa nakita niya…”


Napailing si Aleph at hinawakan ang balikat niya.  “Likas sa Tao ang masaktan at ang madalas ring pananakit sa kapwa nila.  Halika na, ipaubaya na natin sa mga Gabay ang mga bagay na nakikita mo…”


“Aleph,” aniya rito.  “Mapapahamak siya.  Kung itutuloy niya ang pag-alis sa ganoong kalagayan niya ay baka—,”


“Kung ganoon, maaaring naitakda na ang pagsundo sa kanya.  At hindi na natin saklaw ang—,” napahinto ito nang tumakbo siya sa tuktok ng bundok.


“A— ano ang gagawin mo?” sigaw ni Aleph sa kanya ngunit hindi na niya ito binigyang pansin.  Napahugot siya ng hininga nang makita ang pag-iwas ng dalaga sa nakasalubong nitong sasakyan.  Sumadsad ang minamaneho nito sa gilid ng kalsadang patungo sa linang.  Tinutumbok noon ang mga nagtatayugang puno at kung hindi ito hihinto ay mapipilitang gumilid ito patungo sa matarik na bangin.


Iniladlad niya ang mga pakpak sa labis na pagkagulat ni Aleph.


“Gamaliel, huwag!”  Pagpigil nito sa kanya ngunit tuluyan na  siyang tumalon patungo sa Lagusan.


Paalam, Aleph, bulong niya sa sarili.  Tama ka, umiibig ako ng labis sa dalagang Mortal.  Hindi ko siya hahayaang mamatay dahil ngayon pa lamang niya nararanasan ang maraming pagbabago sa buhay niya…


“Patawarin Ninyo ako, Bathala,” mahinang dasal niya. “Natitiyak ko ang mangyayari sa akin sa paglabag kong ito ngunit nakahanda na ako…”   


Sa isang iglap, kasabay ng nakabubulag na liwanag ay naroon na siya sa Lupa, sa mismong kinaroroonan ng dalaga.  Isinanggalang niya ang katawan at pakpak laban sa sasakyan at sa lakas ng paghampas nito sa kanya ay napunta sa katawan niya ang mga nagkapira-pirasong salamin ng harapan nito.


Itinulak niya ang sasakyan na kulang na lang ay mahati sa gitna.  Mabilis niyang dinaluhan ang dalaga at dinala ito sa mga bisig niya.


“Pakiusap, gumising ka!”  Hinawi niya ang mahaba nitong buhok na kumalat sa mukha nito at pinahid ang dugo sa noo nito.  “Hindi ka maaaring mamatay!”


Bahagya nitong iminulat ang mga mata kasabay ng mahinang pag-ungol.


Hinaplos niya ang pisngi nito na basa pa rin ng luha.  “Narito na ako.  Ligtas ka na…”


Ilang beses itong kumurap at pagkatapos ay ngumiti.  Unti-unting umangat ang duguang kamay nito sa mukha niya.  “T— thank… you,” mahinang usal nito bago ito panawan ng malay.


Dahan-dahan niyang binuhat ito.  Nakakailang hakbang pa lamang siya ay kinailangan niyang huminto dahil sa bigla niyang naramdaman.


Nang tumungo siya ay nakita niya ang nakabaong malaking piraso ng salamin sa tagiliran niya.  Maingat niyang tinanggal ito at napauklo siya at halos mapasigaw sa sobrang sakit.


“D— dugo…” bulalas niya nang damhin ng nanginginig niyang kamay ang sugat.  Maging ang hita niya at binti niya ay may mga sugat din.


Nasaktan siya.  May dugong dumaloy mula sa katawan niya.  Naglahong bigla ang mga pakpak niya…


Sinubukan niya uling tumayo na buhat pa rin ang dalaga.  Hindi iyon ang oras para intindihin niya ang sarili.  Naririnig na niya ang pagdating ng mga taong tutulong rito kaya binilisan niya ang paglalakad.  Ngunit unti-unting pinapanawan ng lakas ang mga tuhod niya.  Nagsimulang dumilim ang buong paligid at kahit anong pigil niya ay tuluyan nang pumikit ang kanyang mga mata.



A/N:  My loves!~  It’s been a lifetime!  😀  Sorry po kung hindi ko pa rin ma-update ang aking BTSS… I’m still putting together the scattered pieces.  But since it’s my heroine’s birthday, I hope you don’t mind if I came up with something new… 😉

Thank you again in advance and if  you find this to your liking and wish to copy/share/post this on your FB/ blog, just don’t forget to leave credit where it’s due.  🙂

Til next!

~JK  ♥

It’s been a while…

i miss you...

Hello, lovely readers, it’s been a looong time!  I miss you all.  🙂  I know, and I apologize for being MIA for quite a while.  Life and its realities, really… work and some countless personal reasons.  Yes I’m still working on the next chapter; honestly I’m really having a hard time writing ‘his’ side of the story.  But hopefully by the end of the month I’ll be able to post something and be able to finish my last chapters. (and maybe soon work on a second season or another story) 🙂

Thank you so much for bearing with me and for so much love and appreciation for what I’ve written so far.  🙂  Forever’s not enough to thank you so.  😀

Till next!




“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes; always perseveres.


Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.


And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

~1 Corinthians 13: 1-13



“Love, love, love, love… it is all around you, us, the world and especially within you in your essence. Remember the power of love that you have and express it, share it and most importantly give it back to YOU.”

 ~Kat Zaghi


Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!